01
02
03
The Fatty to Phatty Monologues: Poop...is it in you? If so, you need to relax, relate and release!
04
05
15
16
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
31
32
33
34
Poop, feces, crap, turds, boo boo, manure, dookie, fecal matter, doo doo, dung, excreta...it all comes out the same. It's the smelly stuff that comes out the derriere and I'm sure most of us wish it was something that didn't have to occur. It stinks, it can be messy and the process can sometimes be a little painful. Ain't nobody got time fah dat!
However, it is important and an essential part of living and weight loss. Why? Your body can't efficiently burn if it insists upon holding on to waste. Think of it this way, how successful will you be in your future relationships if you keep holding on to your past ones? That is exactly how pooping is. You won't be as successful if you insist upon holding on to your past meals.
So, how often are you going? Once a week? Once a day? Well, let me tell you that you aren't popping enough. If you are eating appropriately AND your body is working efficiently, then you should be dropping a deuce after each meal or at least once in the morning and again in the evening.
Yes, I know that's a lot of waste, but hey...it is what it is. If you want to start crapping like a champ (ROFL...I just made myself laugh at this ridiculous post), start adding more fiber to your diet. Of course, fiber from fruits and (preferably) vegetables is best, but I understand that there will be times that you just aren't trying to be about that #naturalfood life. Your next best option is to just get you some water soluble fiber. I use Optifiber by Kirkland Signature because I can get a great big ol' giant jug of it for like two cents. No, I'm lying. It did cost me something, but it was much cheaper than Benefiber and it does the exact same thing.
I mix two heaping scoops of this into my protein shakes and/or my coffee and I do this about 2-3 times per day. Yeah, that's a lot of fiber, but I also ingest a lot of protein and vegetables are on my shit list. Did you see what I did there?
You can also use gummy fiber, but I find it distracting when I have to cut sugar from my diet. All I want to do was eat the gummies all day and I can't imagine that being the most healthy thing to do.
Anywho, for an added poopy boost, I also use Detoxin by Katalyst Nutraceuticals. This supplement works in a subtle manner and has never given me cramps, but truthfully, I would only take this if you REALLY have a hard time going. Why? Because Senna. Senna is a natural laxative and can keep you from having an active social life...or just from having good sleep. You know the saying about how God laughs at your plans? Well, clearly Senna stays chuckling at you because sometimes it just helps things along, but there are other times when it does THEE very most and tries to cleanse out your entire soul. So rude, so foul. Completely disrespectful.
If you do need a good soul cleansing, then there is NOTHING better than Cali Girl dieter's tea.
OMGEEEEEEE. I'm just going to keep it real and tell you that if you over use this, it will have you fucked up for DAYYYYYYSSSSS. Please excuse the language, but it's that real...no joke, no exaggeration. The box tells you how to brew this but should you decide to be grown and do your own thing (like let two bags simultaneously brew for 30 min), you will reap the reward of that nasty seed you just sowed. This tea has some shady qualities in that it works when it feels good and damn ready to work. However, when it starts, there is no stopping it. For instance, I had to hurry up and drop a few pounds to meet a weight requirement. So, what did I do? I brewed not one, but TWO strong cups of this devil's brew and chugged it like a champ. It didn't start kicking in until 9pm. But it didn't stop there. After about 2 potty trips, I went to sleep and had to get up pretty quickly at around 12 am. The accompanying cramps made me cry for sweet baby Jesus to deliver me for the clutches of the hell I was in. At about 2 am, I was kinda able to go back to bed, but when I got up at 6, I had to go again. At least I didn't have any additional cramps, but just know that I couldn't eat good until the next day because every time I put something in my mouth, my guts protested and dropped everything in me like it was hot...and yes, it was hot coming out. TMI, I know, but that's what I do.
Anyway...I said all that to say that releasing your past meals is good for you. Holding on to it is not good for your general health and can slow your weight loss progress. You can do what my momma does and drink prune juice once a week to go or you can just eat healthier and go on your own. Either way, just make sure that you go.
P.S.: Abusing any laxative, natural or otherwise, is EXTREMELY unhealthy and can result in your body being reliant upon the laxative to excrete waste matter. You do not want to have to ingest foreign objects just to do something that even a baby can do on his/her own. Don't be that person.
