01 02 03 The Fatty to Phatty Monologues: Operation 14-1618 is a go! 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Operation 14-1618 is a go!

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First, you may wonder what Operation 14-1618 is. Is it a military operation set in Rwanda? Is it a federal program set to help the impoverished youth in this country? Not hardly. It is my vanity project. It is my plan to get to anywhere from a size 14 through 18 before this upcoming Marine Corps ball on November 21 in Las Vegas. I plan to show up and show out. Those in attendance will be one of my best friends and her boo (I don't know him so I don't really care if he comes or not), her sister which makes her my best little sister (hey boo hey) and a couple who have become good friends of ours. Plus, we won't have ANY of our kids with us (there's 8 between the seven of us) which ALWAYS makes for a better time and fun for all.

My swagaliciousness has got to be on point

Anyway, when I first embarked upon this enterprise (Yesterday to be exact), I was so gun-ho about it. Until I hit traffic. Traffic makes me sad. It is pointless and upsetting.




           This makes me feel like ...                                                        THIS!    

I hit an AMAZING amount of traffic when heading to the gym Monday morning. And it wasn't like it was 6 am when everyone was rushing to work. I was trying to go all of 8 miles and it took me 20 minutes...at 9am! 9 am y'all. Like, why aren't people already at work? And if they are heading to work, why are they going so late? Did they all have a collective hangover from Sunday festivities? And if so, who parties that hard on Sunday? So blasphemous. Even God rested. Get some chill bro.


Anyway, Satan and his minions made it clear that they are here to destroy my mission for greatness through the clever use of traffic. They also decided that I should just up and die by the hands of a ginormous SUV on a sunny Monday morning. I swear that thing was trying to run me over. I know I drive a little put-put of a Prius, but it is visible and it is illegal to just run people over...no matter how small they are. So, not only do I hit traffic, but now I have this monster truck trying to eat me. Yeah, not cool.

Synchronized A-Town stomping on these poor cars.

Finally, when I escape the clutches of certain death (yes, I'm prone to bouts of exaggeration), I come across the slow-pokiest booger of a Kia Soul (it was literally booger green). Cheese and Crackers man. He was so slow. So, I'm late, I have a near-death experience and I'm irritated and now I gotta deal with this dude who is uncertain of his whereabouts. Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is been showing you? Where are you going to? Yeah...he didn't know and that was upsetting because I knew EXACTLY where I was going.

Anyway, I get to my location and I rocked it...kinda. I had to call up on all the power of the Lord to give me strength to get through that cardio. I missed a little bit of the warm up, but dove straight in to the rest. Let me tell you that if your heart rate is up and then you drop into mountain climbers, you will feel as if your heart is going to seize up and drop out of your chest...and onto the mat.

Cardio got me on the ground like...


This is me during cardio...except add some melanin and fat

So, after cardio and after I was able to scoop up my lungs, heart and diaphragm and place them lovingly back into my chest cavity, we went right into the HIIT portion of our workout. Lots of free-weights, lots of body-weight activities, lots of intensity, lots of sweat.

No comment

Actually, I'm pretty strong. In fact, I'm so strong, the trainers have mentioned it and pretty much ignore me until they see me slacking. That makes me feel good. I am a large chick, but you'd think I was just a flabby mess. That is not the case. I can feel my muscle, but unfortunately, there's so much padding and insulation that it's pretty invisible.

I see you with that chicken boo

The picture above is of a fat bodybuilder. Actually, he has more of a dad body...I ain't mad at it. Anyway, you can tell he lifts because of the size and shape of his arms, neck, pecs and shoulders. Unfortunately, it's kinda hard to see his progress because of the amount of excess fat he's carrying. So ultimately, he just looks bulky and he's wider and plumper than he would be if he just decided to start cutting. Unfortunately, you can't cut AND build muscle. You can make strength gains and potentially maintain, but you can't bulk up while you're cutting your calories. Muscles require nutrients and calories. I would LOVE to gain more muscle (I sometimes think about becoming a power lifter), but in order to do so, I would have to eat more and that is counter-productive to what I'm trying to do. Yes, muscles raise your basal metabolic rate, but not enough to counteract all of the extra food I'd need to eat. No bueno.

               Food for me while cutting                           Food for those trying to bulk up. Yeah, No.

Side note: I got up from my laptop to do something and when I came back, I couldn't figure out what the point of my last two paragraphs were. I stay digressing.

Anyway, I'm strong. Yada, yada. Blah, blah. I'm happy because I am typically THEE biggest chick in the gym, but I'm working as hard or harder than smaller chicks. I am able to do real push-ups, not the modified ones. Now, I can't do that many, but at least I'm able to do the few that I can. I remember when I could barely do 5 while on my knees.

Once again, I've forgotten what I'm supposed to be talking about and I am much too lazy to scroll up so I'm going to end it here. Operation 14-1618 is underway...wish me luck y'all!
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