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The Fatty to Phatty Monologues: Gym Ettiquette and Decorum: Do you know it, love it and want some more of it?
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By the title of this post, I'm sure you can tell that there are people out there that clearly don't know, don't show or don't care about what's going on in the gym. As in, they just do any ol' doggone thing without the least bit of concern as to how they may be affecting others. Yeah, this blog is supposed to be about my own personal journey to being a certified Phatty Girl, but going to the gym and having to witness or "experience" someones floppy titties, butt cheeks peeking out at me or stank-ass armpits has been part of my journey and I really don't think I should have to encounter it any more.
Why are we coming to the gym and funking up the atmosphere BEFORE we have actually begun a good hardy sweat? Why do we think this is appropriate? Why aren't we embarrassed or ashamed of the funk emanating from our pores? This is totally uncalled for. Why isn't your relationship with God and soap a little closer? Please go have a talk with Jesus so that He can guide in the way in which you should go and making my eyes water with your personal brand of funk is NOT the way in which you should go. Why do you not see me retching and gagging at the cloud of stank you've left behind?
Yes, that is me and the flesh oozing off of my face after I've inadvertently walked in to the fog of death you are trailing behind you. I nor my olfactory senses appreciate it and I ask you to please wash your rear-end and your pits prior to coming to class. If I can make sure that I bathe prior to going to the gym so that I do not offend the sensibilities of others, then you can to. If you can smell yourself (and I know you can), then I can smell you and that is not something I feel like I should have to do.
Now on to floppy chesticles. Yes ladies, I am talking to you in particular. Why are we coming to the gym without proper gear? I know a really good sports bra can set you back a smooth $50, but it is well worth it to not have door knocker titties by the end of your set jumping jacks. Truthfully, no one wants to see it. It's distracting to both men and women. Women are wondering how you aren't grimacing in pain and dudes are...well, I don't know what guys are thinking because I am not one. All I can say is that God allowed man to invent sports bras to be used so you need to cop 1 or 2 and use them.
Why? I mean, really...why?
Lastly, booty cheeks. I do not want to see them winking at me in the gym. Especially if they are sitting on a bench that I have to use. *vomit* I don't want your ass cooties hopping on to me because you thought it was cute to show the world that you wear thongs to the gym. Desperate ladies do that. Are you desperate? Is the thirst for attention so unquenchable that you can't take a break from the hijinks long enough to come to the gym appropriately clothed? Is your level of dehydration so vast that coming robed like a respectable lady is completely outside of the realm of your reality? If so, you also need to evaluate your life because you're over there looking like a burlap sack chocked full of bad decisions and misguided intentions. Do you really want to be that girl? "Oh, you're just a Fatty McFatass hater that would do it if she had the body." To that I say "pashaw and begone scallywag." I have a boo and I didn't need to do all of that to get him. The name of the game is respect ladies. Get some.
If I see this, be prepared to get kicked in your left kidney.
